Are you dating wrong? Dating has always been one of the most interesting and confusing things to do. When you break it down, it really is amazing that any of us manage to get to a point where we want to be in a committed relationship with other people. A first date in and of itself is the most foreign thing in the world. You’re sitting at a table with someone you barely know, talking about yourself and taking an interest in them, while making split second decisions on whether their answers are pros or cons to them as a person, all while having already sized them up sexually and determined that it’s something you might be interested in doing. With all that pressure, it’s no wonder that dating has been skewed and twisted into the ‘thing’ it is today. It’s also no surprise that so many relationships end before they really start, and probably why the divorce rare it so high.
Dating is about getting to know someone personally, and yet everyone from friends, family and articles we read encourage us to be anything but honest. Dating gurus advise you to give answers that will build comfort and recommend staying away from topics that might result in conflicting opinions. Pickup artists recommend all kinds of phoniness to, again, build comfort and ultimately advance things sexually. Magazines suggest all the things you should wear to a date, or how to do your makeup, or what cologne to wear. Your friends will likely assist in sizing up the date before and after.
But in all this advice, pressure and suggestions, we’ve forgotten the main reason we date… Dating isn’t about fooling the other person into thinking we’re fantastic. It shouldn’t be about hiding who we are in hopes of getting a second date or into each others bed. It’s not meant to be a thing where you dress in a way you never would. It never should have been about avoiding topics you’re passionate about for the sake of avoiding a potential discussion. It’s not meant to be this thing we’ve turned it into. Dating is supposed to be about presenting yourself as you are and in the rare event that you click – you may just have found something real. And that’s the way it should be! Not everyone you date will be or should be a match. In fact, your success rate should be incredibly small if you’re planning on committing to the person.
Now that said, you can put your best food forward – but you shouldn’t fake that step. While you might be able to maintain a fake persona for a week or maybe even a month, eventually your true self will be revealed and that’s when you’ll run into problems. If the person you start dating suddenly starts becoming someone they’re not, the incongruence is going to be blindly obvious. Instead, try being one of the few people who are dating right instead of trying to pretend to be something they’re not. The result will be a lot less wasted time, a lot fewer heartbreaks and a lot more dating success.
Are you Dating Wrong or One of the Few Dating Right?